If you found the Fifty Shades Trilogy captivating, you’re not alone. We’ve teamed up with BDSM Mistress Madame Caramel and Sex Therapist Sarah Berry to help turn those fantasies into reality with our beginner’s guide to BDSM.
Let’s be honest, while many of us consider ourselves open-minded, we often stick to familiar routines in our sex lives. This isn’t necessarily a problem, but sometimes we hold back our deepest desires to fit in, and for what reason?
Sex is always changing. Back in the 19th century, people engaged in sex fully clothed, using special garments with openings for intercourse. Anything beyond the missionary position was considered taboo, let alone oral or anal sex. Today, these acts are part of ordinary ‘vanilla’ sex, and now those who enjoy rough sex, kink, and fetishes are seen as the ones breaking the mold. But perhaps we’re missing out by not exploring.
If you’ve thought about spicing up your sex life with BDSM but aren’t sure where to start, we’re here with expert advice from the well-known BDSM Mistress Madame Caramel and Sex Therapist Sarah Berry. Madame Caramel explains that BDSM can mean different things to different people. It stands for Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Dominance and Submission (D&S), and Sadism and Masochism (S&M).
In Madame Caramel’s own relationship, BDSM plays a significant role. She is the dominant partner, while her fiancé is submissive. The bondage and discipline aspect involves restraining and training the submissive partner. This can be as simple as covering their eyes or holding their hands, or it can involve more advanced tactics like Japanese rope bondage or handcuffs. Discipline focuses on modifying behavior through punishments, which can be physical or psychological, such as spanking or erotic humiliation.
A BDSM relationship includes a Dominant and a submissive. The Dominant controls the submissive, who willingly gives up power. This part of BDSM can be difficult for some to understand as it involves giving and receiving pain. Masochists find pleasure in pain, while sadists enjoy administering it. The distinction between sadism and masochism and dominance and submission lies in inflicting pain versus exerting control. Though both can coexist in a relationship, pain is not always part of a Dominant/submissive dynamic.
Once you’ve learned about BDSM, it’s time to figure out your role. You can be dominant, submissive, or switch between roles depending on the situation. Experimentation is key since some who are dominant in life enjoy being submissive in the bedroom and vice versa. Finding the right balance with your partner is important, and Madame Caramel suggests exploring the aspects that captivate you.
BDSM offers a chance to explore desires in a safe setting, which can benefit mental health and relationships. Nonetheless, Sarah advises that adding new things to your sex life isn’t automatically fulfilling. It’s crucial that both partners are in agreement. Good communication is vital for success, and discussing BDSM should be approached like any other topic with your partner.
If you’re unsure how to approach the conversation, non-verbal cues like leaving a suggestive note or watching a related movie can help. Sarah suggests initiating a discussion about fantasies or small things you’d like to try, and then building from there. It’s crucial that both partners willingly embrace these adventures for a positive experience.
Starting your BDSM journey doesn’t require expensive gear. Everyday items around your house, like a bathrobe tie for restraint or a brush as a spanker, can be effective. It’s important to have a safe word since some scenes might involve yelling “no” while actually enjoying the experience.
Explore items like latex clothing or eye masks to enhance your role. For instance, latex dresses or black-out blindfolds can heighten the experience, while gag balls encourage non-verbal expression. Handcuffs bring excitement and can secure your partner to various objects. Bondage chokers can be a stylish signal when paired with a striking outfit, stirring anticipation for what might happen later. Paddles are great entry-level tools due to their impact softness compared to whips. Start with fleshier areas like the buttocks before exploring elsewhere. Finally, whips add flair and can even complement home decor while discreetly engaging in play.
With this knowledge, you can spice up your sex life with BDSM and most importantly, enjoy the exploration.
